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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24352645">nothing else matters</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineBomb/pseuds/SunshineBomb'>SunshineBomb</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ATEEZ (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Rated T for language, and it's more than 2k words who is she, bc that's all i need to write apparently, hongjoong doubts himself as a leader and boyfriend, hongjoong's feeling insecure, lots of self-deprecating thoughts, once again this is the result of listening to one song on repeat for several hours, seonghwa best boyfriend, seongjoong, this is basically me just projecting onto hongjoong i'm so sorry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:55:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,738</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24352645</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineBomb/pseuds/SunshineBomb</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hongjoong comes home early to an empty dorm and a lot of self-deprecating thoughts</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>nothing else matters</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>apparently the only time i can write is when i listen to an singular song on repeat for many hours</p>
<p>so</p>
<p>i listened to nothing else matters by metallica for 4 hours and created this</p>
<p>also i apologise if there are any grammatical/spelling errors i didn't really proofread it whoops</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hongjoong was beyond ecstatic. He had managed to finish the last few tracks he had been toiling away at for the better part of a month, and he was finally able to go home at a decent hour. He couldn’t wait to be able to spend time with the kids outside of practices and schedules. And to him, the best part was that they didn’t even know he was done early. His plan was to pick up some takeout on the way home and surprise everyone, then maybe they could have a movie night or a game night. After several long, exhausting weeks without much time to himself or to just relax, spending a chill evening with the other members was exactly what he needed.<br/>
As soon as he saved the tracks, he shut down his laptop (perhaps a bit too enthusiastically) and grabbed his jacket, racing out the door of the studio and shouting a quick goodbye to Eden on the way out. The thought of going home filled him with more energy than any number of coffees ever could. He practically skipped out of the building on his way to a little restaurant the group liked to frequent, already mentally running through everyone’s usual orders. It wasn’t often he got to surprise the others like this, but he loved to whenever he could. Especially after they’d all been working so hard for their upcoming comeback, he wanted to let them know that he was proud of them and all the hard work they’d been putting in.<br/><br/>
As usual, the restaurant wasn’t very full, only a few of the tables were occupied, and there was no line at the counter. He quickly ordered and made it out of the building in a few minutes, and began the short trek back to the dorms. With each step he took towards the dorms, he felt the stress of the past few weeks alleviate. He would be home so soon, for the first time in far too long. He would never admit it out loud, but he secretly loved it when the kids would all flock to him for a giant hug after having been away for too long, and he couldn’t wait for it. He couldn’t wait to see them, Seonghwa especially. The mere thought of the older stirred the butterflies in Hongjoong’s stomach. He was always the one to bring Hongjoong home at ungodly hours of the morning, or if it was too late, he was always there to sleep on the couch with him, making sure he got at least a small nap before schedules began. He was always the one to bring food to the studio, to make sure Hongjoong was eating, the food always accompanied by small notes of love and encouragement. Regardless of how long they had been with each other, Seonghwa still made Hongjoong feel the safest and most at home, and still never failed to make him feel like a lovestruck teenager all over again. Thinking about finally getting long-awaited cuddles with his boyfriend made him giddy, and he was unable to stop a small smile creeping onto his face.<br/><br/>
The elevator ride up to their floor had never felt so long. On the way up, Hongjoong could feel his excitement slowly start to morph into impatience. He just wanted to go home, goddammit, and the stupidly slow elevator was taking forever. After what seemed like years, it finally arrived at its destination, and the overwhelming excitement came flooding back again. He sped down the hall, fumbling with his key when he reached the door. As soon as he managed to unlock the door, he let it swing open to reveal… darkness. His heart dropped. The entire flat seemed to be empty. Every single light was off, and the only sound was the quiet hum of the air conditioner. Closing the door behind him and kicking off his shoes, he flipped on the main light, expecting someone to be sleeping on the couch, or the kids to spring out from behind furniture to scare him. But there was no one. </p>
<p>“Guys?” he called, setting the bags of food down on the table. “Is anyone home?” no response. Maybe they were running an errand, and had texted him to let him know. He pulled his phone out to see that there were no missed messages, except for one from Eden telling him to enjoy his evening. Nothing in the group chat, nothing from any of the members or their manager. Hongjoong was alone. He walked through the dorm, looking in all of the rooms to make sure that no one was trying to prank him, but he came up empty-handed. The longer he looked, the worse he felt. His first thought was one of anger. They shouldn’t have just up and left without saying anything, especially not when Hongjoong was already so excited to see them and had even gone out of his way to buy food for all of them. His second thought was one of defeat. Of course they wouldn’t tell him they were leaving, they had no idea he would be home early, so they didn’t have much of a reason to tell him they were going somewhere. They weren’t expecting him to come home. His next train of thought was flooded with nothing but guilt. It was his fault they didn’t think to tell him they were leaving. He hadn’t been home enough for them to expect otherwise, and he felt awful for it. He was the leader, for god’s sake, he should always be there for his team, but all he had been was absent. He had been one shitty leader, and this is what came of it. He wouldn’t be surprised if they had all just forgotten about him and chosen someone else to be leader instead, like Seonghwa. Seonghwa would make a much better leader than Hongjoong could ever be. Oh god, Seonghwa. To make matters worse, he had been not only a terrible leader, but a terrible boyfriend as well. He hadn’t spent time alone with Seonghwa in weeks, save for short moments when the older would bring food by, only staying long enough for a quick kiss and short exchanges of “I love you”s. At this point, Hongjoong just felt that it would be better for everyone if they all forgot about him, replacing him with Seonghwa, and becoming more successful than they could be with Hongjoong leading them. And maybe it would be for the best, too, if Seonghwa were to break up with him. He deserved someone much better than Hongjoong, he deserved someone who would actually be there for him, instead of hiding themselves away in a studio for days on end.<br/><br/>
Almost as an interruption to Hongjoong’s self-deprecating train of thought, the door opened, inviting in the sound of seven boys all talking and laughing with each other. Mingi was the first one to notice Hongjoong standing in the living room. </p>
<p>“Hyung! You’re home!” he shouted, running over to engulf him in a big bear hug. Not long after, Hongjoong felt a few more bodies colliding with his, each wrapping their arms around their tiny leader and shouting variations of “I can’t believe you’re actually home!” and “Yay, you’re not dead!” He was saved from death by suffocation by Seonghwa intervening and prying the boys off of him.</p>
<p>“You can’t say you’re glad he’s not dead, and then try to kill him via hugs. Go get in your pyjamas, go on!” he shooed the kids away to their rooms, and was met with many protests.</p>
<p>“But it’s only nine thirty!”</p>
<p>“I’m not tired yet!”</p>
<p>“What if I don’t wanna?”</p>
<p>“You’re not going to bed, I just think it would be nice if we all got in pyjamas and maybe had a movie night,” he said. The protests shifted into cheers. “But only if you go get your pyjamas on!” the boys quickly scampered off to their rooms to change, leaving the two oldest alone. Seonghwa pulled a stiff Hongjoong into his arms, pressing a kiss to his forehead.</p>
<p>“This is a pleasant surprise, having you home. What’s the occasion?” he said. Hongjoong gently pulled away from his embrace, choosing instead to fold his arms across his chest, earning a puzzled look from Seonghwa.</p>
<p>“Finished the tracks earlier than I thought, so here I am,” he attempted what he hoped to be a convincing laugh. “I also brought food, but I assume you guys already ate, so…” he gestured vaguely to the bags on the table.</p>
<p>“Joong-ah, are you alright?” he asked. Damn, so he could tell something was wrong, but Hongjoong wasn’t about to admit to that.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m fine, just a little tired. Maybe I’ll just go to bed, you know, it’s been a really long day--” he started in the direction of his room, but Seonghwa stopped him.</p>
<p>“Kim Hongjoong, don’t lie to me,” he snapped. “I did not just go weeks without seeing my boyfriend only for him to go to bed as soon as we get a chance to see each other.” Hongjoong opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by Wooyoung and San barreling into the living room, followed closely by Yeosang, all collapsing on top of each other on the couch. </p>
<p>“Seonghwa-hyung…  what movie… are we gonna watch?” San asked breathlessly from beneath the two boys play-fighting on top of him.</p>
<p>“How about you guys pick one? And while you’re doing that, one of you can help dish out the food that Hongjoong brought for you,” he took Hongjoong’s hand in his and led him to their room. </p>
<p>“Wait, hyung, where are you going? You guys aren’t bailing on movie night to do gross boyfriend things, are you?” Wooyoung asked cheekily, pushing himself off of San and Yeosang. Seonghwa rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“No, we’re just gonna talk. We’ll be there in a minute, okay?” he offered a reassuring smile and pushed Hongjoong into their room, shutting the door behind them. </p>
<p>“Hwa, what the hell? I said I’m fine, I’m just tired, there’s nothing we need to talk about.” he said exasperatedly. </p>
<p>“No, you’re not fine. Something’s bothering you, I can tell. Now, what is it?” his frustrated tone was gone, replaced with worry and concern. Sighing, Hongjoong sat down on the bed, trying to mentally form how he was going to start.</p>
<p>“It’s… it’s stupid, it’s really nothing to worry about, Hwa,” he avoided the other’s gaze, even as he approached him and sat down next to him. </p>
<p>“If it’s something big enough to bother you, it’s not stupid, I promise,” he started to reach for his hand, but stopped, remembering his reaction to the hugs only a few minutes before. “Joong-ah, can I hold your hand? Would that help?” </p>
<p>“Yes, please,” he said quietly. He reached over and took Hongjoong’s smaller hand in his own, lacing their fingers together and watching him play with their joined fingers with his free hand. </p>
<p>“So, what’s the matter, love?” he dropped his voice even quieter. As much as he hated to admit it, Seonghwa’s “Concerned Mum” voice, combined with the fact that he was holding his hand in the gentlest way, calmed him down immensely.</p>
<p>“It’s just… ah, I don’t know. It shouldn’t have bothered me as much as it did, and I just kinda feel like a dumbass about it now,” </p>
<p>“No, no, no, I wanna hear about it, and I will not tolerate you calling yourself a dumbass, keep going,” with an amused eye roll and a deep breath, he continued.</p>
<p>“I don’t know. I was really excited to finally come home, and I was excited to surprise you and spend time with everyone, but when I got here, you guys weren’t home and you didn’t even tell me you weren’t gonna be here. And it just kinda, I don’t know, it made me feel bad.” Seonghwa held his hand a little tighter.</p>
<p>“Why’d it make you feel bad, darling?”</p>
<p>“I guess… I guess I realised that you guys wouldn’t have had any reason to tell me you were leaving, seeing as I’m never home. And now I feel like the shittiest leader ever, I’m never here when you need me, I’m always in the studio, I’m never home. What kind of leader does that? What kind of <em>boyfriend<em> does that? Aren’t boyfriends supposed to take care of each other? I feel like you’re always the one taking care of me, and I feel like such a fucking failure--”</em></em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Okay, babe, I’m gonna stop you there,” he rested his hand atop their joined ones. “Yes, we didn’t tell you we were going out because we all assumed you’d be in the studio, but that, by no means, makes you a bad leader. You’re in that studio so much for us, you’re creating things for us, as a team, you create with everyone in mind, playing to everyone’s strengths, and that is what a leader does. They think about the team, they do what they think will uplift and strengthen the others, and that’s what you’ve been doing this whole time. However, you get so caught up in creating that you don’t notice that there are other things that need your attention, too. The big thing that we’re worried about is you, Joong-ah. You haven’t been taking care of yourself, which is why I’ve been stepping in more than usual, and that’s been everyone’s main concern. We don’t want you to overwork yourself, love,” he brought a hand up to wipe away a few stray tears that had slid down Hongjoong’s cheeks. “By no means have you been a bad leader, or a bad boyfriend. We’ve just missed you, and we’re worried about you, is all.” </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“So… they don’t hate me?” he asked.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“No, no, of course not! They could never hate you,”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“And… and you still… you still love me? You’re not gonna break up with me?”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Absolutely fucking not! I love you more than anything, Kim Hongjoong, and I could never dream of breaking up with you,” he brought their joined hands to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of Hongjoong’s hand. “I really do love you, darling, more than you could ever know.” he could no longer hold in the tears that threatened to spill, collapsing against Seonghwa’s chest and just letting it all out. His arms wrapped protectively around Hongjoong’s shaking frame, bringing a hand up to run his fingers through his hair. He gently rocked him back and forth as he cried, whispering soft assurances of “it’s okay” and “I love you.” After a few minutes, Hongjoong began to calm down, the sobs shrinking into occasional sniffles, his breathing evening out. He took a deep breath and sat up, wiping at his now-puffy eyes. Seonghwa brought a hand up to rest against his cheek, thumb stroking it gently.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“You ready for a family movie night?” he asked softly. Hongjoong nodded in response, and together, they stood up, on their way to join the others for some much-needed family time. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>////////</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>As the credits began to roll, Hongjoong lifted his head from where it was settled on Seonghwa’s shoulder to check on the others. His heart warmed as he looked at the boys cuddled up together in various places all over the living room, most of them asleep. Yunho had fallen asleep leaning against Hongjoong, his head in the older’s lap. On the floor in front of the couch, San was running his fingers through a sleeping Yeosang’s hair, who had fallen asleep curled up in his lap, face buried in the crook of his neck. Wooyoung was sleeping soundly, curled into San’s side, arm draped over Yeosang. Jongho and Mingi were fast asleep in the armchair, Jongho holding tightly to a pillow, as if it were a teddy bear. Hongjoong turned to Seonghwa, who was already staring at him, love and adoration swimming in his eyes. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>	“Thank you,” he whispered. “I think we all needed this.” content smile gracing his lips, Hongjoong laid his head back against Seonghwa’s shoulder, eyes fluttering shut as he planted a gentle kiss atop his head. In that moment, with his team members sleeping all around him, Hongjoong had never felt more loved, and he knew that, as long as he had those boys, his family, with him, nothing else mattered.</em>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>comments and kudos are always appreciated!! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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